Good: Your son's finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Worse: So are you.
Come, work for the Lord.
The work is hard, the hours long and the pay is low.
But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
When someone touches U and U don't feel it, it's ignorance. When someone touches you and you feel, it's Love. When nobody touches you but you feel it, it's Khujli (Itching).
Fake hair, fake nails, fake b**bs, fake tan, fake smile. Girl, are you sure you weren't made in China?
The Chinese obsession for making fake products is their revenge on the rest of the world for making fake Chinese food.
Not taking "Standard and Poor's" seriously until they downgrade Ke$ha to Ke?ha.
Sign on an enquiry counter:
"Please be patient - Even a toilet can handle only one a$$#ole at a time!"
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean
.
..
...
against tables, chairs, floor, walls and ugly people!
Dracula used to drink virgin girls' blood. Last year, he died of hunger.
I could retire nicely if I could sell my experience for what it cost me.
A Happy Boss tells his employees:
You worked very hard this year. As a reward, I 'll give everyone a check for Rs 5000. If you work with the same zeal next year, I'll sign those checks.
Need new haters. The old ones are starting to like me...
Dear Whisky,
Before I started drinking, I was made to believe that U make a person funnier, smarter & a better dancer. I saw the video. I was looking stupid. We need to talk!
Customer: There is only one piece of meat in my plate.
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir! I will cut it in two.
On an old man's shirt:
I am not 60 yrs old. I am sweet 16 with 44 yrs experience!
If a man tells a woman she's beautiful, she'll overlook most of his other lies!
Boss to an employee: Do you believe in life after Death?
Employee: Certainly not! There's no proof of it, he replied.
Boss: Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, he came here looking for you.
How do you tickle a rich girl?
Gucci Gucci Gucci...
And how does a rich girl sneeze?
Jimmy Choo...
Customer: Your dog seems very fond of watching you cut my hair.
Barber: Quite right, Sir! Sometimes, I snip off customers' ears.
Don't break anyone's heart as there is only one.
Break bones instead as everybody has 206.
